Blind panic and you're all invited

Uh-huh. So.

I know, it's been a while. Well, ya know, there's been stuff going on. And I should tell you about all of it -- the surreal Boston-Dallas drive punctuated with rest stop catnaps and gas prices that bleed you like Civil War surgery; David and Ashley's amazing wedding with vows that quoted Mr. Show; my Kafkaesque adventures in visa paperwork that have taken me on day trips to both Austin and Houston and finally landed me a visa yesterday; Anxiety Dream Marathon Week -- I should tell you about all of this, and perhaps I will, but I'm preoccupied at the moment. See, in case you haven't heard, I'm moving to Korea. Tomorrow. Kee-rist.

Funny, ya know, 'cause I've been "moving to Korea" for a while, and I've been plenty anxious about it for a while. And I keep hearing the "Gee, that's coming up soon" and the "Wow, you're really doing it" and "That's far" and "That's a long time" and I know, I know, I know, but now I really freakin' am, and I'm doing it to-freakin'-morrow and it's not in quotes any more.

And I still don't know a friggin' word of Korean, or how I'm gonna teach anyone friggin' English, or anything else at all, frankly... but what the hell, right? No one knows anything anyway, and I'll figure it out somehow or another, right? Ya know, a few days ago I was checking out the ESL forums trying to get some tips on how to survive and coming up totally empty. On one site, I kept finding all of the useful questions had been dominated by some guy who kept posting notes on Korean fauna; another was just horror story after horror story of not getting paid or getting fired and how Koreans are corrupt cheats and hate us anyway. And then I found some blog by some African-American woman who was heading off to Korea (has gone by now -- the entry was a couple years old) and checking forums and had seen the same dispiriting stuff and had finally concluded that most of the posters seemed to be disillusioned white kids who'd never (surprise surprise) had to deal with cultural prejudice before. And there was a comment from another African-American woman who was teaching in Seoul and having a great time and turns out Koreans are really nice, even if you're black and a woman. So, there you are: no one knows anything, and I need to quit worrying.

Oh, and speaking of comments, I finally got one, and fuck all y'all, 'cause it's from some random blog junkie who likes what I have to say about capers and not anyone I actually know. So to Lorenloo I say, stay tuned, it's just going to get weirder. And to everyone else, write me back, fuckers, or you're just going to get more of this nonsense.

One more thing. Ronnie, so you know, I didn't give her the tape after all. She got a book, and it makes much more sense.